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01. Australia
02. Outback Siren Song 1
03. Love Potion 10
04. She Talked To Me
05. I Am Perfect
06. Silver Lining
07. Hammerhead
08. Outback Siren Song 2
09. You're All Winners To Me
10. Horrible Turn
11. Hammer, I (Love You)
12. Australia Reprise/Finale/Overture Thingy

Australia

If I was Down Under the world would be right
I'd be right by her side — I'd buy a vegemite
I'd light up the skies with the glee I'd exude
I'd serenade her with my didgeridoo
I'd stare at the stars that I’ve never seen
I'd create constellations — one for her, one for me
I'd learn how to talk with an Aussie-esque flair
I'd make fun of New Zealand so I'd fit in there

There's no place on earth like Australia
No island as wide nor land as diverse
There's no place on earth like Australia
And there's no one on Earth quite like her

I'm brewing a potion to set the world straight
Make it all like Australia before it's too late
For there's too much pain caused by too many men
Soon there'll only be love thanks to Love Potion 10
I'll call up me mates I left back in the States
I’d call them all yanks and hang up — they're a waste
Of my time — my attention is much better placed
On the glorious outback and her perfect face

There's no place on earth like Australia
No island as wide nor land as diverse
There's no place on earth like Australia
And there's no one on earth quite like her

We can throw shrimp on the barbie.
I can be Ken she can be Barbie
We can throw shrimp on the Barbie
I can be Ken she can be Barbie
In Australia — I'm here to tell ya
There's nowhere like Australia
Can I get a Hell Yeah!? HELL YEAH!
Hell Yeah for Australia!


Outback Siren Song 1

The Mathletic Coalition in its wisdom has decided
To award the competition with a benefaction worthy of a
Winner chicken dinner — no beginner can procure the grand adventure
To Down Under — make a blunder and you’ll never see the
Wonder of Australia


Love Potion 10

It started off as a hobby then evolved into so much more
I noticed everyone smiling in the floral section of the grocery store
So I started a small study on blossoms and on blooms
And other earthly concoctions found in all perfumes
I learned that a flower is much more than what meets the eye
I learned most blossoms are bisporangial strobuli

WADE AND KENNY:
Huh?

BILLY:
That means they go both ways...

WADE AND KENNY:
Ohhhhh.....

I learned that plants have much to teach once you get to know ‘em
That more than corms and thorns adorn the xylem and the phloem
They self-reproduce — yet still aim to attract
If I could find a way to transmutate this natural act
Then I could save the world from self destruction
And maybe get the girl of my dreams
For weeks I have been working on this potion…
Last night I got it right — can I get a drum roll please?


She Talked to Me

BILLY
She talked to me
I was standing there and
She talked to me
Like I was her peer
She greeted me like I had a prayer
She talked to me
She looked me in the eyes — I was surprised — I thought she liked guys
With a bit more polished look and savoir faire
And even though I fumbled and I stumbled through my introduction
When I opened up my eyes she was standing there
And like a blubbering fool so far from cool I muttered out
Guttural sounds that she interpreted, somehow
And she made sounds as well and I can tell — at least I think — that it went swell
Oh well — I’m shell shocked — what the hell do I do now?

KATIE
I talked to him
I don’t know why I did, but
I talked to him
I think I’ll thank my id for that quick talk with him
My hearts aflit
I talked to him
Did the sparkle in my eye give 'way the feelings hid inside?
It was cute, oh how he stumbled — nervous boy!
He was modest in his meekness he was gushing forth with geekness
Then he asked me to the mathlete competition! What a joy!

BILLY
She talked to me
I was standing there
And she talked to me
Oh God was I austere?
She greeted me like I had a prayer
She talked to me!
She even knew my name — she said “I know your name”
I am ashamed to say I knew much more than her name
I’ve never
felt so free
As on this brand new day

KATIE (overlapping)
I talked to him!
And then I disappeared
I talked to him!
I was sincere when
I talked to him
I’m on air
I talked to him
I don’t know what to wear
I hope he feels the same

And if this bloom should blossom possibly
It’s not impossible to see
A new beginning new horizon
Brand new day!     

BILLY
She talked to me —

I Am Perfect

Here I am once again — my weekly cut and style
And all the ladies love me here and not just for my smile
I bless them with my presence, charm them with my wit
They bask in the radiance I can’t help but emit
Mind the scissors when you get close to my hair
And bag the trimmings up as always — please try not to stare.
My jaw is rather angular — my chin made of stone
My muscles are spectacular — my skin a perfect tone.

I am handsome
I am special
I am studly
I am perfect

Thank you madam hair stylist for my look of chic
Not to worry ladies — I’ll be back in a week
Dry your eyes fair maidens — I know it’s hard to part
With a man like me — a living legend — a walking piece of art

I am handsome
I am special
I am studly
I am perfect!


Silver Lining

So much going on in the world of this girl
So far from the place that I call home
The faces show no traces of familiarity
A gentle nod and half a smile for me
Then I’m alone
But silver lining is all I see
There’s finally somebody here for me
That seems to see the world the same way that I do
My dream last night was of a place, a place so far away
And how we talked and walked the streets
My hand in yours — I swear it felt so real
Maybe I’ll step out — test the waters and the crowd
And see if I can let that dream come true
Do you feel the way I do and do you see the silver lining too?
And do you find sometimes you dream of me?


Hammerhead

KATIE:
Why is Hammerhead here? Is he on your mathlete team?

BILLY:
He’s not that bad, I swear! If you can look past everything

KATIE:
He’s a dolt! He’s so annoyingly brash! Full of himself!
And he’ll go to Kitty Manor if you take home gold as well!

BILLY:
Fear not, fret not Katie, dear, there’s only two things in the world he cares about
And that’s himself and hot Australian girls

KATIE:
I am an Australian girl

BILLY:
I meant, no I meant -

KATIE:
Am I not hot?

BILLY:
No..
He fancies sexy Sheilas from where kookaburras fly
And by fancies I mean rather he objectifies
And if we win, while it’s true he will accompany us
Trust me just three of us will hang and that’s you, Wade, and me.

KATIE:
I’m not worried about him. Besides, there’s not an Australian girl around that would give him the time of day.

BILLY:
You’re putting the cart before the horse. We still have to win this thing.

KATIE:
You’ll win. I can feel it in my bones. And by ‘bones’ I mean, ‘where’s the restroom’?

BILLY:
Oh, it’s down the hall, to the left.

KATIE:
Thanks

BILLY:
Where did Kenny go?

WADE:
He left. Thank God he’s gone. We’ve got work to do!
We’ll get our mathfest on and go

BILLY:
Ah, but before we do
Take this potent dose of propene sulfanic acid
It will render Potion 10 to be, to you, no more than flaccid

WADE:
So that we can have our senses when the ELE attacks!

BILLY:
Are your ready? Oh Hi Katie! Welcome back! That was fast.


Outback Siren Song 2

Five questions will be offered
Answered written and turned in
The questions get much harder as you move from round to round
But the time you get to answer them goes down and down and down
Each member of each team must submit at least one answer to win
A golden summer in Australia!


You’re All Winners To Me

You're all winners to me
You’ve proven you’re the best
You’re better than all the rest
No one can do the things you do — you’ve passed every test
You’re winners to me
In every single race there’s always first place
And second place is the first of all the rest
Third and fourth are first and first and even if you are the worst
You’re still the first of all who didn’t play

There are no losers to me
Except drug users, to me
Participation ribbons will be flowing like the wind
And some say first and others say first and none say loser all say win

You’re all winners to me!
All saints not sinners to me!
And even when I beat you to submission you will see
A ribbon that’s blue from me to you
Your confidence, it will shoot through the roof
As proof that you’re not two — you’re one — that’s number one for good!
And when I win, you all win too!
You’re all winners to me!
And when you win you win forever and you never lose again.


Horrible Turn

All my hopes and aspirations taken as if trash
Everything I ever wanted — was I wrong all along
I was good and weak — from now on I’ll be bad and strong
My intentions misplaced — why was I so blind?
I won’t forgive them nor will I forget
I’ll dedicate myself to mischief, live a life of crime
And make the people my marionettes!
I’ll darken every silver lining — make the whole world pay
And none shall pay more than Hammer! No!
I’ll join the Evil League of Evil and I’ll rule it someday!
There is no deed I will not do — there is no depth too low
There’s no place on earth like Australia
No island as wide — No land as diverse
There’s no place on earth like Australia
And there’s no one on earth quite like he
I’ll step on throats of Kitties — I’ll throw caution to the wind
There’ll never be another person I will call a friend
I’ll do everything I can to be deplorable and then,
Goodbye Billy Buddy. Hello Doctor…


Hammer, I (Love You)

I’ve never been one to say how I feel
Daddy said to keep that stuff inside
But this feeling I’m feeling is so hard to contain

There's a song stirring in my heart
Waiting to be set free
Volcanic emotion, an ocean of yearning
A lifetime of suppression is pouring out of me

Oh hammer…hammer I miss you so
Oh hammer…hammer where did you go

When you hit me didn’t feel the love you shared
You knocked me off my feet when you showed me that you cared
With your hammer boy you really made me fall
And when I regained consciousness 
I knew that I had never known love at all

Oh hammer…hammer I miss you so
Oh hammer…hammer where did you go

Now I can wear my heart on my sleeve
Since some sense was knocked into me
Love hurts more than you would believe
When it comes in the form of a blunt force trauma

Hammer I love you, I don't know what do do with the feelings I'm feeling
Hammer I love you
Hammer I love you, even though the blow could have totally killed me
Hammer I love you

The knot on my head is not a knot on my head anymore
The knot on my head is now a knot in my throat
Oh Hammer, where are you tonight?


Australia Reprise/Finale/Overture Thingy

Here I am once again  oooh  oohh
All the Ladies Love me...ahhh  ahhh